it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
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