i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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