Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
