Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
