I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
