I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
