the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
