Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
is this the sara with the beer cane?
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
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