I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
