Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
This couple is walking their pig around campus
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