Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Randomize
