It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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