Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Randomize
