I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I made him laugh his dick is mine
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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