You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Randomize
