my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
