dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
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