I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
