I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
