someone threw a dead crab at me
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
