Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Randomize
