U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
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