So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
