If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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