My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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