I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
id be glad to
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Threesome in a minivan. New low
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Randomize
