he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
