I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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