Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
