Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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