So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize