He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
