ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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