Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Randomize