every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
its not stalking. its research.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
