Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize