Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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