The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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