So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Even my vagina gasped.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Houston, we have a blender
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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