1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Randomize
