So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
