She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
