3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
