the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
