The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
