my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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