I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
FUCK WHALES
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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