dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
