1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
