i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
