OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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