I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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