Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
