My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Randomize
