Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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