Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
