You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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