I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
He passed out mid-signature
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
you're hired as official boob wrangler
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
