Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
