Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Randomize
