the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
