Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
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